What’s in your pocket? When someone “attacks” you, how do you respond? Do you get angry? Hurt? Do you take it personally? Do you seek revenge and “attack” back?

Or do you realize that whatever the person is saying, says a lot more about them than about you? Do you realize that they must be hurting, to strike out that way? That they are dealing with their own life lessons or learning opportunities and the greatest way you can serve both yourself and them is to “love no matter what”.

I have heard it said that “Enough loving will handle all things”, that “Loving includes forgiveness”, and that “Healing is the application of loving to the place that hurts”.

There is a person in my life that I know harbors againstness towards me. For many years now they have chosen to bad-mouth me to others. I’ve experienced my share of anger and hurt feelings and asked myself, “What did I do to deserve this?” Then one day I decided to be my own best coach in this situation and I remembered John-Roger’s wise counsel.

I entered into forgiveness. Forgiving the person judging me. Forgiving myself for judging the person judging me. Forgiving the times I had judged myself as unworthy, undeserving – and had told myself that this other person’s beliefs and judgments about me were true.

I then started focusing on loving – and the people in my life who I love, the people in my life who love me. And that led to realizing/ remembering how much I love the little girl inside myself – my inner child – the one who (like all of us) has survived the challenging times, the one who has gotten stronger through it all, the one who has learned that I’d rather love than hate, I’d rather love than judge, I’d rather look for the good in myself and others.

And that led me to gratitude. I made a gratitude list – a list of all the people, things, situations – everyone and everything for which I am grateful. My spiritual teacher. My husband. My son. My parents. My friends and colleagues. The work I get to do – Insight. The time I had cancer. The people who have struck out against me. I realized that the challenging times and those who struck out against me were some of my greatest teachers – that it has been through the tough times that I have grown stronger, that I have learned greater self-love, self-compassion, self-trust.

I realize I am choosing to have loving and gratitude in my pocket – if for no other reason that I feel better that way. Life is more fun that way.

Call me selfish if you wish – but I choose the loving. (Yes, loving is a choice. Did you know that? A moment-to-moment choice.)

What’s in your pocket? What do you choose to keep there?

Candace Semigran is Executive Vice President of Insight Seminars – the Continuing Education Division of Insight University – and one of Insight’s senior facilitators. She is also the author of One Minute Self-Esteem: Caring for Yourself and Others and 250 Ways to Enhance Your Self-Esteem. Ms. Semigran also sits on the boards of Insight University and EduCare Foundation.

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